Saturday, August 09, 2008
Was today special?
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Today Vannessa and I went to NUH to visit granddad. I don't know what to say. I grew up with him always around, the memories of him chasing me around the house with a cane, I’d run up into my room and lock the door and hide while he hammers and hammers non-stop. I wish he could still do the same, I wish he was still able to whip me senseless. Soon after Grandma passed, he had a stroke which impaired his ability to walk properly. Everything went smooth after that he was still mobile and could remember everything clearly. Then came another stroke which got the right hand. He couldn't write anymore. Soon he stopped reading too. He started to forget, slowly but surely, he started to forget. At one point he couldn't remember my name. It comes and goes; his memory.
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The doctor asked how i was related to him and said that he needed to talk to us.
Love and I went out to listen to what he had to say.
Apparently, Granddad doesn’t want to eat or can't swallow. He told us that they had another option;
"We will stick a tube up his nose and let it run all the way down to his stomach and feed him with milk. However, I don't have to tell you that it is going to be painful and if he tries to pull the tube out we would have to tie and strap him down. Is this okay with you?"
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Deep down, i hated the idea. I hate how he has to feel more pain than he already has to deal with. I hate how you have to strap him down. I hate the whole idea.
Can you imagine yourself on a bed, unable to breathe properly, heavy lungs, choking on your own phlegm thus rendering you unable to speak. Can you imagine a group of unknown people standing around you and you can't seem to figure out what was happening; what was all the fuss about? You wake up finding a tube leading into your nostrils. White liquid is being pumped into it. It hurts, it hurts so much. Plastic on bare flesh. You can't take it. You try to grab the tube out of your nose, not knowing it runs all the way down to your stomach. It hurts even more when you tug it gently. But you pull anyway because you want it to be over, the pain that you're feeling constantly. The unfamiliar faces hold you down and begin to tie you up to the sides of the bed. You try to resist but they are much stronger, so much stronger that in the next minute you find yourself unable to move. You can't do anything but lay there and feel the pain. No matter how you struggle, they won't let you go. They won't let you go.
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I called dad and he agreed to it. He didn't sound happy either.
Who would?
Now can you all tell me...
Was my 080808 special?
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Oh well, on a lighter note love and I wanted to try something special and different today. I suggested jumping into Clarke quay's river. She suggested donating blood since we were in the hospital. I went with it. We were so excited but found out you have to be 18. But we're still going to do it after we get our forms signed =)
I'm glad you're here.
