Kit
I love pictures in black and white
it makes everything look less complicated than it is
it shadows all in explicit clarity
and erupts in absolute beauty
Am sitting at my dinning table now. Doing my coursework in boxers and jersey. I'm really fucking tired. Just whipped up a cup of coffee, i added extra sugar and coffee. I'm surviving on biscuits next to me. I'm surrounded with papers. Why the hell didn't i drop FnN.
Wah, my coffee is super effective, i'm pretty much awake now. I'm thinking about jamming. So fun. I should be concentrating on my coursework but i have this sudden burst of energy. I remembered i wanted to talk about something. Erm...
Oh right, my Grandfather recently lost the full use of his right hand. It has something to do with his stroke. It has been 10 years since he had the stroke. He can't walk properly now and his body is failing him quickly. My eyes were watery just by looking at him, bloody hell its watery now...
Granddad doesn't have a very long time left. I must prepare for it i guess. Emotionally. I had an asthmatic attack at my grandmother's cremation. It was too much to watch.
I don't know if i can bear another funeral
I don't want it to happen but its like something constantly crawling up your spine. I can't brush it aside either.
So, my granddad can't write anymore, he is 93 this year by the way. But he is much stronger for someone his age. He used to chase me with a cane years back, he'd chase me up the stairs and i'll lock the door quickly and he'll be slamming away. I forgot what i did, it was quite frequent but it stopped soon. I'll stop talking about granddad
I can't concentrate on my coursework. I'm looking for distractions. I'm thinking about loads of issues now. I mean thats what we do in the middle of the night right? I don't think i can sleep. And i don't think i will la. It's now 12.40am. I don't care if i sleep the wholeday tomorrow.
Oh yah, its proven that getting angry easily, being aggitated, having a temper and being violent increases the percentage of men to get high blood pressure and diabetes. I knew i was going to die early. So people, don't get angry and be happy =)
I say maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me I know it sounds absurd Waiting for your call i'm sick call i'm angry call i'm desperate for your voice. theres no sense in playing games it keeps leaving me needing you take me away
